Empty Bed

I need some verbal affection, to go with all this sexual tension. You fill me mind with lusts and wanderings, but my heart is left with just wonderings. I want you to grab more than just my breasts, but my spirit, my mind, my breath. You tell me nothing and yet you keep asking for more, with your quiet conversations and loud hesitations. You act like my friend when we are in secret, but play pretend just to keep it. Am I only good for you in your bed? Till you are overwhelmed with what's in your head? You refuse to share anything concrete, but keep things flexible and sweet. My heart can not bend like yours, it longs and begs for more. One of these days I will walk out of your door. You will be left empty and scattered, why didn't you take the chance to say what mattered? Days and weeks, months and years will go by and eventually that hole in your heart will fade, like the smile on your face, the memories will just be erased.

Reflections: Mirror and Self

As I sit across from myself, observing what I see in the mirror, I stare blankly back. I can see some definition in my thighs, that line cutting down the side, I feel a sense of relief. Then I scroll up to my hips and my stomach; small wrinkles remain of what once held my babies. I move my eyes upward onto my breasts the fullness of them lacking as they slope down. I look up to my face, meeting my eyes in the mirror -and I see my daughter's face in mine. That sad, empty look staring back at me. Why  am I so sad? Where is her smile? I feel as though I will never be loved. I feel as though I never have been loved. I try to shut out the thoughts that leave me so hollow. I know that only my savior can fill this place within me. But where is He?  He can not hold me, or talk back to me. In my quietness, I begin to shed tears that fall so softly down my cheeks- I barely notice them. There is so much sadness and fear, that I will never be enough. My history has taught me not to trust. My father and mother abused, neglected and abandoned me. The men in my life have had their way with me, using me up for their fleshly desires only to leave me alone and tainted. All I ever wanted was to be protected and cherished. Why do I sell myself short to those who will just use me? Is there any hope for someone like me?