The Silence

There is nothing but silence. and Silence itself is haunting me. The emotions are raw and empty. I can barely feel myself breath, my eyes hurt so much from trying not to cry, holding back the tears that just want to let go. Ever so slowly I allow them to fall as I hold my breath, I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. I am reminiscent of an image in my heart, the one that tells me that I can love and should be loved. Loved with an intimacy I have never had before. An intimacy that feels so complete. An intimacy that doesn't have you asking for more, but instead finds satisfaction even in the silence. Those quiet solitude moments that you want to cherish for all eternity. The silence that allows you to feel safe and warm. Well loved beyond the troubles and stress of the day. Like a warm summer's eve curled up with your love and can think of no greater place to be but here in this little piece of heaven with the one whom my soul belongs to. His rich scent from sweat and soap, the way his arms embrace my body. There is no need for small talk, only the gaze of his eyes upon mine. It's an image that I long for, the one that people write novels about. The kind of love that has all of us searching high in church pews and low in bar stools. I rest my back upon his chest, his hands upon my hips and he pulls me in closer, I can feel myself being engulfed by him and we are so close that I swear our hearts are beating as one. Here is where I belong, God will you give me a love like this? Will you allow me to feel this love, a love like this silent love that needs no words to be spoken, but our bodies and our spirits sing with the angles in praise and honor of what you have restored in us. But here I am alone, begging for the pain in my heart to end. I let go and cry passionately for God to hear me, for Him to know how deep these wounds hurt so much, and how I wish that He would heal them. But all I hear is the same silence He has had me sitting in for so long. Will I ever be able to rest, Lord?